Here are some useful guidelines for addressing conflict in a polite and respectful way.
SAY THIS…
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INSTEAD OF THIS…
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Think about the true cause of the conflict.
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“Would it be possible for someone
from HR to explain the new health benefits to us?”
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“This company doesn’t care that
the new health benefits are so confusing!”
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Don’t allow emotions to take over.
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“Both of us are so focused on
having our own idea chosen that we’re not thinking about what’s best for the
department. Why don’t we plan to meet again in a day or two? That will give
us each time to honestly review our options.”
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“My suggestion is MUCH better than
yours, but you’re too stubborn or proud to admit it.”
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Address small conflicts before they become large ones.
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“I’d like to talk to you about the
disrespectful way you treated me this morning.”
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“I’ve had enough of your rude
behavior, and I won’t deal with you any longer! From now on, if you need
something from my team, you’ll need to ask one of my co-workers.”
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Separate the conflict from the person.
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“Thanks for telling me how you
organize your files, but my present system works very well for me.”
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“You think that you do everything
better than me, don’t you?”
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Be considerate of the other person’s needs and viewpoints.
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“I know that you asked for my
report by 9:30, and I’ll try my best to do that. But if I’m not able to get
it to you until 10:30, would that be a problem for you?”
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“My report may be an hour late.”
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Focus on the present, not the past.
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“Let’s talk about how you might
have dealt with that last customer service call better.”
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“Your bad customer service skills
have already lost us the Henderson account.”
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Try not to make generalizations or assumptions.
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“I noticed some errors on the
order forms you filled out today. Should we spend a few minutes reviewing the
process?”
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“You always make a lot of careless
mistakes. It is clear that you don’t care about the quality of your work.”
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Express your ideas, but don’t be arrogant or hostile.
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“I think I figured out a good way
to solve the problem. I’d like to spend a few minutes discussing it with the
team and hearing their thoughts.”
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“I found the perfect solution to
the problem, so there’s no need to ask anyone else for their ideas.”
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Work toward a common solution.
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“I’d be happy to work your
Saturday shift this weekend, and it
would be great if you could work my Sunday shift the following weekend.”
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“I don’t see why I should have to
give up my whole weekend just because you have out-of-town guests.”
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For more information, including a decision matrix to select the most appropriate method of conflict resolution for a given situation, don't miss our Managing Conflict with Style post.
Handling conflict poorly can affect relationships, others’ opinions of you, and even your employment. The tips provided above will help you communicate in a calm and positive manner, keep conflict in check, and achieve better outcomes during difficult or emotionally charged interactions.
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